I wanted to be this one thing. This one thing that I thought represented the woman.
Beautiful and sexy.
It was all over the images I saw in magazines and on television…even in cartoons. You know where the prince fell in love with the princess because she was beautiful? That’s what I wanted to be.
But that one thing that I wanted to be didn’t align with what I felt inside…and what I saw at home.
Growing up, I closely watched my mother…even when I wasn’t trying to. Just being around her I learned so much. I began to admire her work ethic, I was inspired by her grace, I was comforted by her compassion and amazed at her zeal.
One day I remember catching her changing her shirt and I noticed a big scar across her midsection. I remember asking, “What happened Mommy?” And she explained that that was where she was cut when she had given birth by C-Section to my oldest and youngest sister.
At that point I realized that not only was my mother's soul amazing, her body was amazing too!
I watched as my mother tirelessly cooked meals in the kitchen with sweat dripping down her face. Not knowing how in the world she came up with a new meal every day. -
I watched her eyes light up when she was fully engaged with her passion which was encouraging both women and men, pouring all of her light into those who were losing hope. -
I watched as she quietly followed behind my Father, allowing him to lead our family; encouraging him and building him up. -
I watched as she loved and nurtured with everything she had. Every single day.
Watching my mother not only taught me the roles of a woman, but also the depth and dimensions of a woman’s being.
At 29 years old I have a growing new perception of where the true beauty of a woman lie. Just as my mother displayed before me, the beauty of a woman lie deep within her soul. It is in the very essence of her being. It isn’t just in her hair, her hips, her skin or her lips...it is in her heart. And that deep, deep beauty is the kind that can’t be bought. It just is.
My mother taught me, just by living honestly before me, the many dimensions of a woman. She taught me that being a woman isn’t just being this one thing. She showed me that women were created to nurture, to be soft yet strong and resilient.
We don't have to work to become it, it's a part of our design.
She even showed me that it is okay to give attention to all the madness within me. And that every bit of what God placed inside of me is necessary. Not just for me but for those around me.
I, a woman am needed.
Women are multidimensional. As Author John Eldredge points out, "Woman is the crown of creation - the most intricate, dazzling creature on earth. She has a crucial role to play, a destiny of her own."
After years of uncovering facets of myself that remained hidden in fear of not being accepted, I am still learning that it is truly okay to unveil the beauty of my true self. One of the last things my Dad told me was to, “Be true to yourself, God will change your environment for your purpose to be accepted.”
And there it was. God made us exactly who we are on purpose. What are we hiding for?
Everyday, I discover a new piece to my puzzle. I'm growing to love the abundance of dimensions within me. It's a blessing.
Being a woman is a journey of discovery, acceptance, and unveiling. Each stage is beautiful in its own way. Even through the tears and the frustration that comes with it, our hearts grow bigger and stronger through it all.
“I’m a unique and complex being. I have smooth and sharp edges, jagged curves and slippery sides. There’s more to me than even I can grasp. I’m a lot. A lot of peace and a lot of confusion. And it’s okay.”
(a quote I wrote in my journal last year)
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