Single + (Un)Satisfied

I would be lying to you if I said that I don’t think about getting married...because I do. 

Growing up, I listened to my parents’ love story over and over again: my Mom moved from the Virgin Islands to a small town in Illinois to attend college…met my Dad her first day there, initially brushed him off but later became best friends with him for a few years before they chose to spend their lives together forever. 

Listening to their story I always imagined that mine would be somewhat the same and wondered if I would meet my husband in college like my Mother did. 

But then, college came and went. 

I even went back to school for my Master's degree. 

Graduate school came and went. 

And here I am, 30 years old still wondering how (or if) it is all going to go down. 

With so many pressures all around, it becomes increasingly hard not to focus on it, especially when many of my friends and peers are getting married and even working on making beautiful babies. And let’s be honest, social media does not help. Like…at all, lol. 

The truth is, although I have these thoughts and feelings quite often, I’ve entered into a space where I’ve become more content with this season that I’m in.

I’m understanding that God is the author of my story, not a movie or a television show, not my parents or even friends. God is. And when and if He sees fit for a husband to be a part of my story, then it will happen. And it will be beautiful. 

But for right now, He wants my full attention and my whole heart. 

When I think about it, so much has been birthed from this season in my life. I can imagine that God is purposefully using my singleness to pull everything that He can out of me right now that He has my full attention. Not saying that having a husband would be a distraction, but like Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7:34,

“…a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit. But a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband.”

Marriage is no easy feat. It is a lifelong commitment to another whole individual with dreams and a past; aspirations and desires of their own. Moving into a season of being a wife would require more of my attention and so much more responsibility. Which in essence means less time to spend focusing on God.

As a single woman with a desire to someday marry, I really have to thank God for this time that He’s given me to grow and cultivate my gifts.

I’d never want to marry with regrets of what I wish I could have done more in my single years. And for this reason, I choose to seek God with my whole heart, opening myself up to be readily available to do as He pleases during this time in my life. 

Marriage is not the goal. Pleasing God and walking in His purpose for me is. And if that requires several more years of God having my full attention (even though Lord knows that’s not my preference, lol), so be it. Because I know that I will be well taken care of as a result of my obedience.

I recently wrote something in my journal that really helped me change my perspective of singleness: 

“I am full and satisfied after a full course meal even if I leave room for dessert. Of course, that strawberry shortcake looks good, but if I don’t have it I won’t miss out because I’m already full.”

Do you see what I did there? 

Sometimes our desire to marry is so strong, we miss out on the full course meal (God). We focus so much on the dessert instead of filling ourselves with the essential nutrients we need to satisfy us. 

As singles, we have the opportunity to be so filled and complete with God that receiving a spouse should be a sweet addition, not a replacement of Him. 

And if it just so happens that we never get the dessert, we won’t starve.

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