Suffocating Fear

I’m terrified. 

I’m completely scared of taking a leap and following a desire of mine just to end up failing…or worse, find myself in a more uncomfortable situation than I was in before. 

Have you ever found yourself craving change but afraid to actually take steps in that direction for the fear of making the wrong decision?

Well, that’s me. I am what I would like to call a “calculated risk taker”. I am not afraid to take risks or go after what I want, BUT first, I have to make sure that everything is in order and that I know what to expect once I make the change. I rarely make decisions without first considering every possible outcome. 

Now I can attribute that to the perfectionist in me, but a lot of times I feel that having this way of thinking could very well be hindering me from receiving all that God wants for me. That’s even more scary to me. (yeah I know, I’m one of those scary people lol)

Deep in my heart, I want everything that the Lord has for me. I don’t want to get in my own way and God knows that. I pray that all the time. But sometimes I can just hear God saying,

Just trust Me Saunya.

In my mind, I'm saying that I will but my heart is screaming, 

“But God, I just need to know where I’m going!”

I’m like one of those annoying children that asks their parents “Are we there yet?!” 50 times on a road trip, lol. I just need to know that everything is where you say it’s gonna be and that we're going where you say we're going. I find it hard to just chill and enjoy the ride (as much as I would like to!).

My Dad used to say something all the time, “Trust God even when you can’t trace Him.” 

What that means is even when you have no idea what God is doing and you can’t see where, how or even if He’s working, trust Him anyway.

As simple as that sounds, I know that for me it’s a challenge. I’m an over-thinker. And over-thinkers try to pick apart situations, draw up conclusions and discover reasons why certain risks shouldn’t be taken. When I think about it, this is exactly what satan wants - to stop us from receiving what God has for us by filling our heads with doubt. 

See, I peeped his game a long time ago…he fills our heads with doubt, we allow it to fester, it clouds our judgment, blocks our faith and prevents us from walking through a door God opened for us. We end up missing out on a blessing God intended for us and later become filled with regrets and "what ifs". 

Because I am aware of satan's ploys to keep me from moving forward, I always take a step back and consider if this is what is happening when I feel myself becoming overcome with fear. 

I'm learning that although the unknown is scary, allowing the fear of the unexpected to keep me from taking leaps of faith into uncertain situations could possibly hinder me from growth, maturity and experiencing the best moments of my life. And I admit, I don't want that; God doesn't want that. At all.

Just this morning I read something that confirmed everything I have written here.

"Certainty is a form of hiding. It is a way of drowning out our fear, but it's also a surefire way to fail to see what's really happening around us. If you're certain, you're probably not prepared for the unexpected, and sooner or later, you're going to be badly surprised." - Seth Godin

So although, I honestly am terrified of taking this leap into the unknown (I’ll be sure to share with you guys what I'm talking about when it happens), I won't allow my being afraid to keep me from exploring, from taking a chance on myself and on God. I know that by exercising my faith this way that He won't leave me hanging.


"But when I am afraid, I will put my trust in you." - Psalm 56:3