One of my first loves...Poetry

soul cries

no one listens

heart repaired

like gold sitting on a mine

not seen

not searched for

trying to maintain its glisten

soul cries

won't you listen

"soul cries" 

- Saunya

I write poetry often. I swear I have poems scattered everywhere...in my phone, in my journals, in my desktop, on my tumblr, on my instagram...

Poetry was one of the first creative outlets that I was introduced to early in my childhood. I was an innocent 11 years old when I was introduced to poetry. I instantly fell in love with it. As a shy and quiet child who had trouble expressing herself, poetry became my favorite form of expression. It really saved me. It gave me a way to put what I couldn't quite articulate verbally into written form. I surprisingly still have every poem I have ever written since I was 11 years old in my possession. I treasure each one of them. They each vividly paint pictures of where I was emotionally and mentally in my life. It captures my journey beautifully.

Anyway, I recently have been trying to decide if I wanted to share my poetry here on my blog. Since a lot of my poems reflect my hidden and revealed trues, I had a hard time deciding if I wanted to do this. I decided that this gift that God gave me was meant to be shared so... this will be a new section on my blog! All of my poems that I post will be original pieces of mine. I also will occasionally post poetry from other writers that have inspired me.

I'm so excited to be adding this to my blog! You all will get to see another facet of me and my love for creative expression in written form.

Love.

Clean It Up!

--

Early one Saturday morning before having his breakfast, little Bobby snuck in the kitchen grabbed three chocolate chip cookies and ate them in his bed leaving chocolate stains and crumbs all over his sheets.

Later that day, he taunted his little sister and shoved her, making her cry.

A little later on, he grabbed an egg from the refrigerator and threw it at the neighbor’s window.

When his parents found out all these things he had done, they were so disappointed in Bobby. Unapologetic, Bobby rolled his eyes and sneered not feeling any remorse or guilt for what he had done.

Later that evening, Bobby, his little sister and parents went to the store to pick up dinner. Not having yet dealt with Bobby, his parents allowed him to tag along.

Bobby sees a toy race car that he really wants.

“Mom!” Bobby screams.

“I want this! I REALLY want this! Please, please, please!!”

Bobby’s Mother glanced at Bobby knowing that she wasn't buying him anything because of his recent behavior.

“Please Mom! Pleeeeeaaase!”

Bobby got louder and louder and began to make a scene. Bobby’s Dad grabbed him and started walking him toward the exit. Bobby was consistent in asking for the toy car until they walked out of the store. He pouted all the way home because he didn't get what he wanted.
--
This is exactly what we do to God. ALL the time.

We, a lot of times, are oblivious to our sin, not realizing that God wants to deal with the sin in our hearts before he grants us our desires. Yet we beg and plead, fuss and complain because we are not getting the things we want, not even realizing that there is a bigger issue at hand. Our hearts.

Can you imagine God shaking His head at us as we beg for what we want when He can clearly see what’s truly in our hearts? Can you imagine how much more God wants to clean our hearts than merely giving us with the things we are begging for?

We forget that just like Bobby’s parents, God sees our hearts. He knows our motive. Not only does He hear us when we ask Him, but He knows WHY we are asking Him. And just like a loving parent, He knows that correcting and shaping our character is much more important than giving us everything we want.

God is not in the business of making sure we have pleasurable lives, He is in the business of our hearts. He is in the business of shaping and molding our hearts to be a reflection of His. He is in the business of breaking us until we realize our dire need for Him. And because He loves us, He works endlessly on transforming our desires into His desires for us.

This past month, God showed this to me clearly. And once I realized that I was acting just like Bobby, begging and pleading with God for my selfish desires without acknowledging the sin in my heart, I felt so convicted. I realized what I was doing was wrong, and I began to notice that God wanted so much more for me than what I was asking Him for.

This realization pierced my heart so much that I actually prayed and asked God not to grant me my desires until my heart is clean and clear of any mess that will get in the way of the joy I will have when He lovingly grants me what He has in store for me.

Now that is definitely a risky and scary prayer to pray, but I want God to know how serious I am. I no longer want to walk in oblivion to my sinful actions. I no longer want to hurt people in the process. My heart is a construction zone and only God alone can help me clean it up.

So when the time comes and God begins to pour out blessings on me, I want my heart to be free and clear, open and ready to receive all that He has in store for me. Until then, “clean up on aisle 9!”

Love.

Reference Scriptures:

"Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. Oh, give me back my joy again; you have broken me -- now let me rejoice. Don't keep looking at my sins. Remove the stain of my guilt. Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a right spirit within me." - Psalm 51:7-10 (NLT)

"Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires." - Psalm 37:4 (NLT)

"I will open the windows of heaven for you. I will pour out a blessing so great you won’t have enough room to take it in! Try it! Put me to the test!" - Malachi 3:10 (NLT)
 

A Love Perfect - In One Year

"If I ride the wings of the morning,

if I dwell by the farthest oceans,

even there Your hand will guide me,

and Your strength will support me."

--

Psalm 139: 9-10 

(NLT)

Wow. One year ago today, on my 28th birthday, I wrote my very first post here on A Love Perfect. So much has transpired in my life over the course of this year.

If I could sum up this year in one word, I would use the word "free".

For the first time in...well, ever... I am totally and completely at peace. I can't really explain it. It feels like an unbothered, unworried, settled feeling in the deep of my spirit. I'm happy. Finally.

To be honest, for so long my happiness depended on my surroundings; my outward circumstances. My joy lied in the hands of my peers. I had inconsistent peace. I allowed my life's events to dictate my state of being.

One of my greatest lessons this year is learning that joy is internal. Resting in the peace God gives leaves me without worries. It reminds me of something I shared in an interview last year with

All The Many Layers

, I said:

"There is no freedom like knowing that your joy can not be taken away from you. Once you find that internal joy and take advantage of the peace that only God provides, the joy you thought you had will be amplified. Your soul will ultimately be content. No one thing or person can enter your life and steal it away. That is true security."

Truly grasping that concept changed me for the better. I really began to understand the security I have with God's love. 

So getting older isn't so bad. I'm actually in a place where growing, maturing and evolving excites me. And I can't do that without getting older right? I can't evolve without being pruned and shaken. I can't be whole without being broken. And I can't love deeply without first learning to forgive. All these lessons were learned during the most difficult times in my life. I finally understand the phrase "growing pains". 

I am so amazed at how God is growing and carefully shaping me. This journey I'm on is no where near straight. There are twists and turns, bumps and roadblocks, but I moving forward. In the direction that God is leading me. 

I'm so grateful for A Love Perfect and it's growth over this year. I'm so thankful for the many wonderful souls I've connected with and the many hearts my words have been able to touch. Look at what God is doing! 

I could go on and on, but I want to end with a blurb that I recently wrote in the notes section of my phone:

"I've changed so much in the last few years. So much. Sometimes when I get glimpses of my past, whether it is a picture, writing or memory... I don't recognize that person. However, I am learning to love who that person was. Love the pain that that person went through, love the uncertainty and the flickering light within that person...without her, I wouldn't be full blaze. I appreciate her."

Love. 

Saunya Shelise

Escaping Brokenness - Day Five

Day Five of The Heart Detox "Emotions" Challenge

Homework: answer question in the comments below.

Which emotion: fear, vulnerability, rejection, guilt, brokenness do you struggle with the most? What strategies have you learned to help heal you of that emotion? How will you remind yourself to trust God in these areas when trials arise?

(to see previous discussion questions, click the tag "emotions" below)

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You made it to day five! For finishing this challenge, I want to give you a sneak peek inside my new 30 day devotional, "guard your heart, protect your peace". I've created a secret site just for you! Click HERE and use the password: "sneakypeek"

Freedom from Guilt: Day Four

Day Four of The Heart Detox "Emotions" Challenge

Homework: answer question in the comments below.

Is there an area in your life where you constantly feel guilt and shame even after you've confessed? What do you think could be causing this false guilt? What can you start doing today to release those feelings of guilt so that you may be free?

(to see previous discussion questions, click the tag "emotions" below)