I'm Tired of Waiting

“Oh, it’ll come.”

“It’s not your time yet.”

“Just be patient, it’s on the way.”

These are three statements that I have grown to despise. I know, I know…”despise” may be a bit of a harsh word but to be honest that is exactly how I feel when I hear someone mutter those words to me.

I instantly huff under my breath, roll my eyes and tune out anything else they have to say. It’s annoying. And I’m finding myself quickly getting tired of hearing it because deep in my heart I’m finding those words hard to believe.

Have you ever had a deep desire? You know, something that you REALLY wanted and were trusting God for? Not necessarily something tangible but a longing for something deep within your heart that just won’t go away? Yes, I have a few of those. Call me impatient, but I honestly feel like I have been waiting forever.

Because I have been having these impatient feelings recently, I've decided to take a step back and do a little self-evaluation. Whenever I begin to feel uneasy or frustrated with the circumstances in my life, I've learned to stop, reflect and evaluate myself - looking within to see if I may be the source of my own misery. And interesting enough, many times I am. Doing this keeps me from pointing my finger or trying to place the blame on God or someone else for what's happening in my life. 

So, I have to be honest with myself.

“Do I really trust God with the desires of my heart? I mean, He knows what they are right? 

Is He ever going to give them to me? Do I even deserve it?”

These questions run through my mind as I try to figure out the source of my frustration when I remember the scripture,

“…if you want to know what God wants you to do – ask Him, and He will gladly tell you. He will not resent your asking. But when you ask Him, be sure that you really expect Him to answer, for a doubtful mind is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. People like that should not expect to receive anything from the Lord.” James 1:5-7

This scripture hit me right in the heart because it was describing me!

I had been praying and praying asking the Lord to grant me the desires of my heart but quietly doubting that I would ever receive them. How could I ask God to bless me and doubt that He can do it at the same time? What kind of faith is that? That’s not faith at all!

I immediately fell to my knees and asked God to forgive me for doubting His abilities. I allowed fear to overshadow my faith. 

Faith is believing God can. Even when nothing is happening. Believing that He can and waiting for Him to do it. That’s it. No matter how long it takes.

God’s timing is not my timing. My job is to just trust Him. As difficult as that sounds, it's possible. There's obviously a reason why I don't have my desires yet. What I'm believing God to do should not be the objective of my faith. Shifting my focus to God and simply having faith in Him because of who He is helps my doubt. Focusing on God and His power and not what I'm asking Him for makes all the difference. 

Whether I receive what I want or not, I'm learning that it's okay. What I want is not greater than God.