I went through a phase in my life where I was extremely quick-tempered. I lashed out at others around me, I cursed under my breath and I turned my nose up at things that didn't please me or go the way I wanted it to. Inside I was angry. And angry at no one in particular. I wanted control. I wanted to control everything in my life. I expected everything and everyone to please me. And if it didn't, I had the right to verbalize my disapproval. After all I was entitled to that right?
That was a huge mistake. I fell for the lie of entitlement. I fell for the lie that I'm SUPPOSED to be happy. I fell for the lie that my way was the best way, not knowing that it was not only destroying my relationships, but destroying my peace of mind, my joy and ultimately destroying any possibility of an intimate relationship with God.
What I didn't know was that I couldn't love wholly with this attitude. I didn't know that I had completely shut out hearing God because I had already made up in my mind what I wanted. I couldn't evolve stuck in this mentality. I would ultimately self destruct and lead a selfish, unhappy, pitiful life. I eventually began to notice my negative attitude and I didn't like it. I didn't like how I was feeling and I didn't like who I was becoming. That is when I decided I needed to make a change.
Releasing the reigns of control on my life and placing it the hands of God was the best decision I have ever made. It has allowed me to breathe and relax. It's as simple as praying, "Lord, I realize that my way isn't the best way. I understand that You have a perfect plan for me. Even though I sometimes want what I want, help me to accept what I need by helping me place my total trust and dependence on You."
I realized that it wasn't about me. My purpose here on this earth was bigger than me just getting everything I wanted. God wakes us up every morning because He still has something for us to do. If we continue being selfish, how can we allow God the opportunity to show us what that is?
It's funny how society teaches us independence and God teaches us the exact opposite. He teaches us dependence. He wants us to depend on Him for everything (Phil 4:6-7). The wonderful result of doing this, is that true peace will follow. I learned a valuable lesson. I learned to loosen the expectations of how I thought my life should pan out, and give God free reign to do it His way. I now welcome adversity, because I know that it encourages maturity and strength. Our adversities become our lessons. Our tears become our teachers...but only if we allow them to.