Love Without Commitment

"Feelings of love can create intimacy that overpowers reason. People too often are in a hurry to develop an intimate relationship based on their strong feelings. But feelings aren't enough to support a lasting relationship. This verse encourages us not to force romance lest the feelings of love grow faster than the commitment needed to make love last. Patiently wait for feelings of love and commitment to develop together." - Student's Life Application Bible (in reference to Song of Solomon 2:7)

I am not afraid to admit that I in the past have been guilty of allowing "feelings of love" whisk me away into the wonderful emotional realm of love. Before really taking my time to develop that commitment, both parties (him and I) moved at a rather rapid pace and allowed our strong emotional feelings to grow much faster than our decision to commit to one another. Needless to say, it ended rather painfully because of the premature strong emotional attachment. That heartbreak could have been avoided had I (and him) made a conscious decision to take our time and not include "romance" until we knew 100% that we were going to be together.

In Song of Solomon 2:7, Solomon advises us "...not to awaken love until the time is right." Here he is suggesting that we not rush into romance, sex or a relationship prematurely (which is before marriage).

I know that sometimes that is hard to do. When you develop a connection with someone and the chemistry is just right, sometimes all reason and logical thinking goes out the window. Those "feelings" make us feel like we are on top of the world and anything or anyone that tries to combat that is a "hater" or "jealous". But sometimes when our emotions are all stirred up, and we begin to feel like we are "in love" we don't realize that we are attempting to build a relationship with sticks instead of bricks. What I mean here is that, trying to build a strong successful relationship on strong connections, chemistry, and feelings alone (aka sticks), is not enough to keep that relationship together. As soon as those feelings and that emotional high dies down, or as soon as a rock is thrown, the relationship won't have anything left to hold it together. It will crumble. And this is when heartbreaks occur.

God wants us to experience the joy and beauty of relationships in its fullness. He doesn't want us to experience emotional heartbreak due to us giving ourselves away in exchange for emotional highs. He shows us clearly in His Word the benefit of waiting until the time is right. He shows us all we can experience if we wait until we decide to commit to a person before we get lost in those "feelings" of love. Consciously slowing down your fluttering heart when dating can give you both time to strengthen your relationship without the distraction of romance. Taking time to build your relationship with bricks means slowly allowing your feelings of love to grow with your mutual decision to commit. Then you will experience love and commitment in its fullness, exactly the way God designed for it to be all along.
Reference Scripture:
Song of Solomon 2:7 

Blurb: Solomon has become one of my favorite writers in the Bible. He challenges us by writing about topics that we rather not talk about. (He also wrote Proverbs & Ecclesiastes). In the book of Song of Solomon, Solomon eloquently writes of his love for his bride in the most endearing and poetic way. He depicts what God designed love to be like between a man and his wife. If you haven't read this book, I encourage you to read it and get a glimpse of the beautiful sanctity of marriage the way God intended.

Broken Hearts Hurt

Let's face it. Most of us at one point in time have experienced a broken heart. Whether it was from the end of a relationship, loss of a loved one, betrayal of a friend, we all have found ourselves hurt. And it is painful, extremely painful. 

I can literally attest to the heart wrenching painful feeling in the center of my chest as if the very life of me was being pulled out. It is not a good feeling, at all. That may sound a bit dramatic, but at the time that is exactly how it feels. It hurts. And at that moment no comforting word or humorous gesture can take that feeling away. 

I recently finished a book by Dr. Charles Stanley called, The Blessings of Brokenness. This book helped me in a tremendous way look at brokenness in a way I had never looked at it before. I had deep hurts in my heart and I wanted to know why? 

Why would God allow His child that He loved so much experience such pain? How could He sit there and watch me suffer? Surely He was punishing me for something I had done. I deserve this. But what did I do so wrong to deserve this?

These are just a few of the many questions that circled in my head while I was going through. I needed answers and decided to seek God's face in prayer and scripture to find the answers to these questions. Pastor Stanley said something in his book that perplexed me. He said, 

"People who are genuinely broken by God know great joy." 

Having experienced the pain of a broken heart, I could not understand what joy could come out of such a painful place. It made no sense. So I went to the Word of God for myself to understand how this could be true. God led me to 2Corinthians 4:16-18 which has become one of my favorite scriptures. It says,

"That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are quite small and won’t last for very long. Yet they produce for us an immeasurably great glory that will last forever! So we don't look at the troubles we can see right now; rather, we look forward to what we have yet not seen. For the troubles we see will soon be over, but the joys to come will last forever." 

I was relieved! There is indeed a purpose in our suffering. 

As a result of suffering, renewal takes place. God uses our brokenness to break us away from what may hinder us from receiving all that He has in store for us. Brokenness encourages us to change; it humbles us and encourages dependence upon the Lord. He breaks us to build our endurance, strengthen our faith and so that we can help someone else get through something similar. My Dad once told me, “Everything we go through is for someone else.” Once I understood the multifaceted purpose that God had for breaking my heart, I was able to lean on Him, allow Him to heal the hurt, repair the brokenness and teach me the lesson He wanted me to learn as a result. I felt better knowing that God allowed those situations to take place so that I may become stronger; and knowing that I had the ability to help someone felt good.

God does not leave us alone in these painful times even though it may feel like He’s nowhere near. “God heals the brokenhearted and bandages [our] wounds.” Psalm 147:3. He wants you to look for Him in your troubling times. He wants to comfort you and heal your broken heart. He wants to break you from your self reliance into full dependence on Him.

Changing my perspective that God was punishing me, to the perspective that God was at work in me, kept me from being angry, bitter and hostile. Because of that, God was able to fully heal my heart and replace that hurt with joy. Joy in knowing that God was perfecting me.

Although I couldn't see it at first, my brokenness has contributed to my growth and I have God to thank for that. Broken hearts hurt, but if we allow ourselves to see past the pain and see the work that God is doing in us, we can welcome restoration.

“…whenever trouble comes your way, let it be an opportunity for great joy. For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be strong in character and ready for anything.” James 1:2-4


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