We are not born into this world wanting to be anything other than ourselves.
I have a folder in my computer named "Just Write". It's my constant reminder to exercise one of my strongest muscles...my ability to express myself in my writing.
Writing is my release. Even if I write about absolutely nothing, I find comfort in pouring my thoughts out on paper.
Lately I have been finding it hard to find time to write for myself. You know, journaling or "brain drain" as I like to call it. I don't do it as often as I should. I would like to write more blog posts. But I find myself wanting to make sure that my words are absolutely perfect before I publish anything. The strain of wanting my words to be perfection keeps me from writing here as often as I would like.
So let's make a deal okay?
I'll try reaaally hard to write more blog posts if you all don't mind me being 100% Saunya when I post. That means that sometimes my posts may be just random streams of consciousness, or they just may be my thoughts from the past day. I want to be as honest as I can in my posts. Y'all cool with that?
This will be fun. It will force me to put my phone down for a change, unplug from the million and one messages of this world and just write.
Just write Saunya. Just write.
The day I discovered this about myself, I asked, “Are you being realistic Saunya?” I began to notice how I would develop in my mind exactly how I wanted the things that I do to be delivered and received and if it didn't go the way I planned, I would be disappointed. I began to notice this cycle and I started to question why I couldn't just relax and go with the flow. The habit I was developing in wanting everything that I did to be perfect was causing me to constantly be unhappy with my efforts and even causing me to not want to do them at all. I realized that I wanted complete control of everything that I did and that wasn't realistic.
I'm human. The gifts that God has blessed me with to share was not intended to be delivered “perfectly” but delivered. It could possibly be full of mistakes and flaws, but as long as the job gets done and the message is relayed, I should know that God is pleased. Now this doesn't mean that I can't still strive for my best, but I know that God would not have given me the gifts He did if He didn't believe that I could deliver them effectively. And that keeps me from stressing over it. Even if my efforts may not produce those perfect results that I expect from myself, I know that if I allow the Holy Spirit to work through me, all work that I do for God will be perfect in His eyes because it will be part of His plan.