I spent a little extra time with God this morning in prayer and study. Sometimes when I wake up heavyhearted with the weight of the world on my shoulders, I break down and admit to God that I am feeling weak. I used to hate admitting to God when I am weak, frustrated or sad because in my mind it made me feel like I was failing at being a Christian somehow. It may sound a little crazy, but to me, that's just how it feels. For some reason, I tend to believe that being a successful Christian means having this incredible strength, being able to shake weak feelings and emotions off and being strong for everyone around me. Being sad, crying or frustrated doesn't seem so "spiritual" to me.
I realize that this is exactly what Satan wants me to feel. He wants me to push away any weak feelings and emotions I have and put on this fake superhero strength so I won't need to ask God for help. Anytime I have these feelings, I promised God that I would immediately take it to Him. I decided that in order for me to have an intimate and personal relationship with God, I would have to be 100% completely honest with Him in EVERYTHING. This means when I am feeling weak, sad, happy, etc. It doesn't matter.
I promised to Him that I would just be honest with Him in whatever I was feeling. I made the decision to write down my feelings in my journal whenever I begin to start feeling overwhelmed with emotion or when I am feeling weak. It has helped me to understand myself better, and it has strengthened my relationship with God because it teaches me to reach for Him and seek Him in everything I go through. I now know that I don't have to go through anything alone. I don't have to push away my weak feelings and pretend they don't exist. I don't have to gather the little bit of strength I have and try to push forward by myself. God is there willing and ready to listen and take that load right off of my shoulders, and He does. He rescues me from myself and gives me the peace that I need to continue on.
This is why I love Him so much. In my weak moments of despair, God gently reassures me that He loves me and that He's there. When I feel alone and hopeless, he constantly reminds me that He's there for me. His love for me surpasses ALL. Nobody else comes to my aid like my Father does. And He has been just that, my Father.
I was reading an article on prayer this morning in my devotional, and it asks, "If you were to give God a personal name while praying, what would you call Him?" I thought about my relationship with God and how to me He has constantly rescued me from my harmful thoughts, my fears and my doubts. I thought about how He rushes to my side to teach me and comfort me when I have weak moments. I thought about how He is my escape when no one else understands. The first word that came to my mind was "Rescuer". God is my rescuer and my peace. And for that I am forever thankful and grateful that He loves me that much.
I want to ask you all the same question...If you were to give God a personal name, what would you call Him and why?